The Skinny Boyfriend

Do any of you have one of those? I Do. Soon to be my skinny husband. Yay me. He’s this annoying breed of people who get’s really excited about salmon or a bland salad. Or salmon on top of a bland salad. ‘I like how it makes me feel’ he’ll say. Yeah but I like how mine tastes. I’ll worry about how it feels later. I know healthy stuff can taste good too of course, but how can a person genuinely want the least interesting thing on the menu? We could be at the worlds greatest burger joint and he’d be like ‘Oooh! I’ll have the caesar salad, we should share!’ I don’t want to share your dumb salad, I never wanted to share. I didn’t get into this relationship to share bland food! And quite frankly, not wanting to stuff your face with french fries on occasion is one of your biggest flaws! Sharing with him means fifty percent less of what I actually wanted and fifty percent of something that I deliberately ignored on the menu. I know. It’s good for me. I get it and I’ll do it. But it doesn’t mean I’ll like it. I might like “how it makes me feel” but that’s all I’m gonna like about it!

If you've ever had the displeasure of passing us on one of your walks or runs, you might see an alarming sight: It may look like a couple in the throws of an argument where the woman might be verbally abusing the man somewhat. That is because the skinny boyfriend is of course one of those annoying people who loves running. Just aimlessly running in circles. Like a hamster. He also likes motivating me with inspirational shout outs. I’ve made the mistake of joining him on more than one occasion. He will actually run backwards along side of me ‘You got this! Come on Heida you got this!’ Who told you it was ok to do that? I don’t “got” this! In fact, your little motivational remarks only motivate me to run the other way. or you know, just sit down. I'm tired.

So if you have one of those at home I sympathise. What a healthy, kind, supporting pain in your ass. I’m not saying the grass is greener elsewhere; god knows where I’d be with someone who cackles at the thought of a Domino’s fiesta like I do. I’d probably be buried before the age of 40 in a cardboard pizza box. So thank you skinny boyfriend, I guess for extending my life expectancy or whatever but I never asked for all the kale.

I guess I can live with it.

H

#skinnyboyfriend #samritzenberg #running #healthyeating