1st week done: Not a zen master yet

As I’m writing this I’m stuck in mind numbing traffic in an electric car that’s about to run out of battery. I’m wedged between my future father in law on one side and my mother on the other. My fiancé, Sam is driving as carefully as possible as my father monitors the milage intensely in the front seat. My mother and Sam's father who are in the back are starting to become uneasy. "Try to gain milage by riding the break! Slow down to gain some more but not too much!" All they can talk about is whether we’re gonna make it back home before we run out of battery in the middle of the freeway. We’re in Napa California on the way back to Marin County having come from showing my parents wine country. Not a hideous place to be stuck in traffic or running out of juice, but we have no water, no AC as it uses up too much battery and I’m literally stuck to my mother's arm like we've been glued together. I should've taken that bottle of Chardonnay to go at the vineyard. I’m really hot, very thirsty and super uncomfortable but to be honest, I'm not even bothered. I don't care whether we make it home on the battery or run out in the middle of the freeway and have to hitchhike on the side of the road like serial killers. This is a perfect opportunity to practice my patience. Everyone but me is catastrophizing the situation but to be fair it’s looking pretty bad right now. We really might not make it. It’s funny that sometimes when things are looking pretty bleak and you know you might be in deep trouble soon, there’s no time and no point to get upset. What will be will be, and we’ll figure it out if we have to.

This past week I've meditated some, not everyday but every time I did I could feel the benefits. I use the Headspace meditation app. I like it. I've only been doing 5 minute ones so far but will increase to 10 minutes this week. I've tried to go straight into 20 minutes before and I've not been able to manage. Sporadic meditation has by no means made me a beacon of positivity. I've definitely had some off moments where a minor irritation turned into a mini catastrophe. I mean, if you can spend 8 hours in a car with your family without a set back, congratulations but I've never met such a person. Maybe my fiancé but he doesn't count. He's a pacifistic freak and his family are angels from another planet. Mini meltdowns aside, I managed to bounce back quicker than usual. I have a little voice in my head whenever I'm being a dickhead that said "Hey! you're being a dickhead and you know it." Usually I would answer back "Yes I'm aware of that but I've sped up too much so I'm just going to crash into a few more things with my irrational behaviour before I slow down again." This time it went a little bit more like: "Hey! you're being a dickhead and you know it." "Yes, you might be right about that and thank you for pointing that out. I'll try my best to slow down and let it go". And I did. And as much as family can wind you up it can also remind you of how lucky and fortunate you are. This weekend Sam and I had some of our family and friends drive hundreds of miles to spend time with us. It dawned on us that when we might be feeling a little down or when things might not be going quite how we'd hoped that we only had to look around at our closest people and realise we must be doing something right. And isn't that all that really matters? Friends and family and the love you give and receive. It should be at least. Man, I sound like I'm on MDMA or something. I'll just pinch myself intermittently to remind myself I'm not a marshmallow.

We still haven't made it home, the car has about 12 miles of energy left and we've got 13 miles to go. People in the car are profusely sweating literally and metaphorically. The battery can apparently recharge and gain a couple of miles when it goes down hill so that's what they're hoping. I don't really understand the mechanics of it. The problem is we're mostly going uphill right now. But I don't mind. It's given me time to write this post and reflect.

What I learned last week:

• Don't take an electric car out any further than planned. Unless you like the thrill of uncertainty.

• Travel and family time is designed to test your finest nerves but if you use the opportunity to count your blessings you might even sign up for more mayhem with those people. I know I have.

What to focus on this week:

• Mediate every single morning. No days off.

• Catch myself when I start to say something negative and stop. Even when it just feels like a laid back conversation with someone. It's too easy to go dark.

The longer I’m on this ride of potential doom the more of a metaphor it becomes for life. We can’t drive too fast because we’ll run out of battery and get stuck. So the lesson here is easy: Slow down when you need to, safe energy when possible, take your time and you’ll most likely get to where to you need to be. Generate milage on the way and you’ll reap the benefits. We did and we made it home.

Put me on a stick and roast me on an open flame. I've turned into a gooey marshmallow through and trough.

H

#patience #meditation #positivity #love #family #gratitude